The Self-Care You Actually Need

Not the apps. Not the astrology. Not the next podcast telling you what to do differently.

The body. The physical. That's where we start. That's where we always come back.

And I want to reframe what physical even means — because it's so much bigger than the mirror.

Why physical health has nothing to do with how you look

In tarot, the physical realm is represented by the Pentacles. And the Pentacles aren't just about the body — they're about everything that keeps you grounded to the earth. Your home. Your food. The ground beneath your feet. Your clothes. Your stability. Your foundation.

So when I say physical energetics — I'm not talking about losing weight or fixing your skin or achieving some external beauty standard. I'm talking about building something real. Something that doesn't get knocked over.

That steadfastness — the strength you feel because you've put in the reps, you've done the work, you've made the deposits — that's what we're building. Not aesthetics. Roots.

The energetic bank account — and why your balance matters more than perfection

Every time you choose the thing that grounds you over the thing that numbs you — that's a deposit. Every time you reach for the phone instead of your breath — that's a withdrawal.

The goal isn't perfection. The goal is knowing your balance.

Knowing when you've put enough in that you can trust yourself. Knowing when you're running low and need to refill before you make any big moves.

And sometimes — the most grounded thing you can do is stop consuming. Stop looking to the next full moon, the next astrology report, the next podcast, the next external source of validation. You've done the work. You know yourself. Trust that.

The self-care tool nobody talks about — and why you need it

Here's a practical tool I shared in a talk a while back that people kept coming back to.

I have a self-care task list on my iPhone. Not a vision board. Not a wellness routine I found online. My own personal list of things I know fill my cup — built from years of paying attention to what actually works for me.

About 15 to 20 things. Some I use daily. Some seasonally. Some I haven't touched in months but know are there when I need them.

Here's why it matters: when you're in a state of emergency — depleted, panicking, spinning out — you cannot think clearly enough to figure out what you need. You'll just reach for your phone. You'll go numb. You'll withdraw.

But if the list is already there? You just scroll. You pick one thing. You do it. That's it.

Build your list. Put it somewhere accessible. Make it yours. Because self-care that someone else designed for you isn't really self-care — it's just more consumption.

Why your phone notifications are stealing your energy

I'm going to say this directly: turn them off.

Not all of them — the important ones stay. But social media notifications? Gone.

The constant pings and alerts and rings are pulling you out of your body and into a state of low-grade hypervigilance all day long. My dog loses his mind every time my husband's security camera picks up a squirrel outside. That's your nervous system on notifications. Bugging out over squirrels.

I keep my phone on silent. No social media alerts. I check when I choose to check — not when I'm summoned. That boundary alone has given me back more mental energy than almost anything else I've done.

When your intuition is sharp and your nervous system is regulated — you don't need the notifications. You check in when you need to. You trust yourself to know.

Why food is not a formula — and what your cravings are actually telling you

There is so much noise around food and I'm going to cut through all of it with one sentence:

How you feel when you eat matters as much as what you eat.

Biohacking. Macros. Clean eating. Intermittent fasting. It all goes stale when you apply it robotically to a body that operates on energy and emotion — not just biology.

I was pescatarian for years and started having dreams about hamburgers. My body was asking for something. I listened. And I don't regret it.

There's an emotional component to cravings too. If you're reaching for sugar constantly — part of you is craving sweetness. Gentleness. Something soft in a hard season. That's real. That's worth acknowledging.

None of this is an excuse to ignore what you're putting in your body. But it is permission to stop hating yourself into change. You cannot shame your body into health. You love it there. You care for it there. The results that last — they come from that place.

Why AI is a tool — not your healer

Danielle LaPorte — who I've followed since 2005 and deeply respect — put out a piece on using ChatGPT as a life coach and why it's actually a step backward from everything we've been building toward.

She's right.

AI is a tool. A powerful one. But it is not your intuition. It is not your healer. It is not your friend walking on the beach with you in a body of light. It's technology. And like all technology — it reflects back what we put into it.

Use it intentionally. Use it kindly. And use it with a clear boundary: this is a tool that serves me, not a voice that replaces mine.

I include a disclaimer on every podcast summary I use AI to help create. Transparency matters. Sovereignty matters more.

Why laughter is one of the most underrated healing tools

I saved the most underrated tool for last.

If you are feeling like shit — sad, depleted, depressed, lost — and you can make yourself laugh? You're going to be okay.

Watch The Office. Watch The Hangover. Call the friend who makes you belly laugh until you can't breathe. Find whatever does it for you and go there.

Laughter is not avoidance. It's lightness. And lightness — real, embodied, belly-deep lightness — is one of the most powerful things you can do for your physical body.

Our key to freedom and brilliance is lightness itself. Don't forget that.

How to build a real self-care practice — practical steps

Come back to the body. Come back to the physical. Come back to yourself. That's where the answers are. They've always been there.

• Build your personal self-care task list on your phone — make it yours, use it when you can't think straight

• Turn off your social media notifications today

• Notice how you feel before, during, and after you eat — not just what you eat

• Stop consuming external guidance for a week — trust what you already know

• Find something that makes you belly laugh this week — prioritize it like a meeting

Frequently Asked Questions

What is physical energetics and how is it different from physical fitness?

Physical energetics is the broader practice of tending to your physical body as an energy system — not just a machine to be optimized. It includes food, movement, rest, and environment, but also the quality of your relationship with your body. Where fitness focuses on performance and aesthetics, physical energetics focuses on groundedness, stability, and the deposits you make into your energy system over time. The goal isn't how you look. It's how rooted you feel.

What should a personal self-care list include?

A personal self-care list should include the specific things that fill your cup — not the things wellness culture says should fill your cup. It's built by paying attention over time to what actually shifts your energy, calms your nervous system, and brings you back to yourself. It might include movement, breathwork, a specific playlist, a walk outside, calling a certain person, cooking something from scratch, or sitting in silence. The key is that it's yours — not borrowed from someone else's routine — and that it's accessible when you're too depleted to think clearly.

How do phone notifications affect mental health and nervous system regulation?

Constant notifications keep the nervous system in a low-grade state of alert — similar to hypervigilance — because the brain is continuously scanning for and responding to interruptions. This chronic activation depletes mental energy, fragments attention, and makes it harder to access the quiet internal knowing that good decision-making and intuition require. Turning off non-essential notifications — particularly social media alerts — is one of the simplest and most immediate nervous system interventions available.

What do food cravings tell you about your emotional state?

Food cravings are often as much emotional as they are physical. A persistent craving for sugar can signal a need for sweetness, gentleness, or comfort in an emotionally hard season. A craving for heavy, dense food can reflect a need for grounding. Rather than immediately overriding cravings with discipline, it's worth pausing to ask what the body might actually be communicating. This doesn't mean ignoring nutrition — it means adding emotional intelligence to the conversation about what you eat and why.

Why is laughter considered a healing tool?

Laughter triggers a measurable physiological response — releasing endorphins, reducing cortisol, relaxing muscle tension, and shifting the nervous system out of stress activation. Beyond the biology, laughter creates lightness — a felt sense of ease in the body that is the opposite of the contraction that comes with chronic stress, grief, or depletion. It's not avoidance. It's a genuine reset. Prioritizing something that makes you laugh — especially in hard seasons — is one of the most practical and underrated things you can do for your physical and emotional health.

This post is based on the full podcast episode. Listen to the complete conversation on How to Heal — available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and wherever you get your podcasts.

Lindsay Trimarchi is a life coach, speaker, and host of the How to Heal Podcast. She works with high-achieving women ready to stop performing and start living. Find her on Instagram @howtoheal